Ok so. I'm sure many of you wish to know how I'm doing? yes?
Well the 10th I had tried to go to work that morning even though I was practically dying. I needed to make money still so I tried my best. I promised myself I would go into work that day. I woke up horribly weak and tired. but tried anyway. I finished breakfast at school but I felt so sick I called out for lunch. I went home. and took a short nap.
I spent a week from monday night to friday night at New York Presbyterian Hospital. It took a few hours of paper work to sign me in. I got in by dinner time. I was given a large plate with what looked like the most amazing sandwich ever..... but I was to afraid to eat it.
The next day I slowly and carefully ate cereal, it being the only thing on my tray I felt wouldn't hurt.... but then during the day everyone said the best place to be in pain is there... they have meds. and doctors. so I should just fucking eat. So lunch time came around and there was fucking Asian style chicken. with the sauce and everything! rice and just...dear god it was tempting. So I took a bite...then another...and another... I was scared shitless that my stomach was going to hurt or I would vomit after. I ended up eating till I was full. I was full for the first time in three months. longer even... I was so scared...but from that day...and till friday. I didn't have any stomach aches. no pains (other then gas or bloating) I gained 6 pounds being there. and today I found I gained another 5.
It was now clear that it was stress. because being in the hospital I could eat. I could enjoy myself. in a place most people never want to be in I was so freaking happy (and the food was amazing ;A I made friends who supported me. and I support them (still call often to check on them ^^) and with that support I ate without fear. I came home friday afternoon and finally... finally ate my pastrami sandwich with mustered... for lunch when I got home. I then went to Andrew Schilmeister's house and got home today. I'm proud to say I have no trouble eating anymore. I am on a new happy pill that is much stronger and it should start kicking in soon enough... and I will also be seeing a therapist to insure I have someone to vent to no matter what and also to make sure I never get so stressed out I can't physically eat.
I'm my happy self again...and damn did I miss food ;A; I love the support all my friends have given me. and I love you all. If it wasn't for the support of everyone here and everywhere telling me to get better and be strong I probably wouldn't have taken that bite of food at the hospital and I would have a feeding tube right now.